Friday, 7 October 2016

The Power of Positive Psychology

Crazy. Psycho. Nuts. Emotional. Unstable. Disturbed. These stigmatizing words often emerge when people talk about psychology and mental health. So it's no surprise that some people wait a long time to reach out for professional help when they need it. People can spend months or years avoiding and distancing themselves from strong emotions out of the fear they will be labeled crazy, broken, or weak. They may even apply these labels to themselves.

That's one reason for the positive psychology movement. The basis of this powerful, alternative way of viewing mental health is that strong emotions and thoughts are not just indicators that something is wrong. Instead, they can be signals and catalysts for healthy development and growth in the face of significant pain, loss, and difficulty.

When we view challenging times as opportunities for growth and change, it can seem easier to take the steps necessary to make improvements with or without professional help. Here are a few ways to harness difficult emotions and thoughts for psychological growth and development:

1. See sadness as a tool.

Early in life, most of us learned to push away or avoid sad feelings. We learned they meant we were weak or that it was just bad to feel this way. However, sadness can be the emotional glue essential for holding our relationships together. Expressing sadness releases pain and stress, draws in others who want to help you, and gives you a basis to empathize with the people you care about.

Tuning into sadness is often quite painful. But when you face that pain, you can start to look for the areas of unmet needs in your life and relationships. For example, when your significant other says something that hurts you, or when you are simply disappointed about having to miss dinner or bedtime with your children, you have the opportunity to listen to your sadness and make sense of it. This will usually relieve some of your pain—and give you a chance to share your pain with supportive people in your life, which can also make you feel better and help you make change.

2. Embrace strong feelings.

Strong negative feelings are part of being human. Problems arise when we rigidly try to control or avoid these feelings. A helpful way of coping with strong negative feelings is to embrace them for what they are—tweets from your mind and body intended to update, inform, and keep you safe. You can set yourself up for growth in your emotional awareness and resilience to stress and pain by asking yourself, "What am I feeling right now and why does it make sense?" rather than, “Why is this happening and what can I do to stop it?”

For instance, if you are intensely dreading a work presentation, trying to avoid youranxiety will likely reduce your confidence and increase your fear. Instead, try to accept your anxiety as a signal that you are probably nervous about public speaking—just like many other people. Acknowledging that fear helps you dial down the intensity of your anxiety and stress, increasing your confidence and making the presentation much easier.

3. Catch yourself coping well.

We all have moments of painful awareness that we didn't need to yell at a loved one or binge on junk food in response to anger or stress. But we tend to ignore moments in which we responded to difficult emotions and experiences as a capable, compassionate human being. While there may always be needless arguments and empty ice-cream pints, looking closer will also reveal plenty of moments in which you can be proud of the way you handled stress and challenging emotions.

Pay attention to those moments in which you were really honest with yourself about how you were feeling and didn't turn to emotional eating. Or the times you mustered the courage to reach out to others for support rather than snapping at someone you love. It can even be as simple as noticing all the little "feel better" moments you created by setting boundaries on your time so you could care for yourself—whether that means taking a spin class, sprawling on the couch to watch Netflix, or just enjoying a long shower. The more often you can recognize when you are handling difficult feelings better than you have in the past, the more likely you will feel confident and effective handling challenging moments in the future.

Thoughts and emotions are powerful barometers of our mental health, and positive psychology offers a way to make sense of our relationships and the events in our lives. By doing so, we can get to know ourselves better and feel more comfortable and confident. We can also determine if professional support is necessary to help us manage powerful emotions or disorders. And when we accept that emotions are nothing to be afraid of, and that mental health is something worth seeking, it becomes that much easier to ask for help.

Entrepreneurs Who Embody These 9 Practices Will Gain Loyalty

Entrepreneurs Who Embody These 9 Practices Will Gain Loyalty

If you want to create a successful business, set an example for others to follow. Establishing and maintaining the right kind of culture is essential in any venture.

My decades of experience as an entrepreneur have taught me that it doesn’t matter what kind of person you’re trying to get to work with you. If you conduct yourself in the right way, people will want to invest their time, energy and money into helping you. It always comes down to attitude.

Think about it: Problems are inevitable and so are deadlines. There will always be times when you don’t have as much time or money as you need. The bottom line is there will always be factors outside of your control. What can you control? How you conduct yourself and treat others.

If you want to become a leader, put these qualities into practice immediately. If you do, you’ll develop lifelong fans.

1. Be forward-thinking.

Something I've had to accept is that I'm never really able to fully clear my pile. It isn't realistic. Because even when we're entrepreneurs that work for ourselves, we depend on other people. If I had it my way, everyone would act as swiftly as I do. But I've learned that it's better to set people up for success. One of the best ways of doing that is by looking ahead.

When I say "be forward-thinking," I mean let people know what's required of them in advance so they can account for it. Always have next steps and deadlines. When in doubt, pick up the phone.

2. Be five minutes early.

Punctuality takes self-discipline and control. Frankly, it's a sign of the capacity to commit. I want that in a partner. Beyond that, it's respectful.

Make a habit out of showing up a few minutes early. What does a habit really mean? Every single time. People will notice. If you respect others’ time, they will respect yours. It’s that simple. Being punctual extends to getting back to people quickly. Who has time to waste? If you build being on time into your schedule, you'll be able to commit. Give yourself some cushion rather than careening through the day.

3. Be available.

Make it easy for people to reach you. It drives me nuts when I have to hunt someone down. I don’t get it -- don’t you want to grow your business? How are people going to get in touch with you about an awesome opportunity? For starters, you should list your telephone number beneath your email signature.

4. Be informed.

Study the history of your industry as well as what’s going on now. Never stop learning. Before you know it, you’ll be an expert. You’ll have an instinct for where the market is headed. As a result, you'll be better able to tailor your business in the right direction. In time, you'll become an advisor.

5. Be proactive.

It's the best way to stay ahead of your competition. Do you spot future problems on the horizon? Call attention to them. Don’t shy away. Others will start following your lead. As a result, it won’t always fall on you to spot the problems.

6. Be unstoppable.

Leaders turn obstacles into solutions. Reading Ryan Holiday's The Obstacle Is the Way completely changed the way I perceive challenges. Pick it up!

7. Be approachable.

If you put yourself out there and you’re willing to be vulnerable, others will respond in kind. They’ll keep it real with you. They’ll be willing to discuss their most vulnerable experiences. That kind of trust is invaluable. If you're willing to show it in person, even better. Never underestimate how much of an impact you can make when you give someone your full attention.
8. Be helpful.

Make time to help others succeed. You never know where they’re headed. What doesn’t require much of you might make a huge difference to them. Just this year, someone I extended a hand to told me I had changed his thinking. He's more willing to lend a hand to others now. When some great opportunities came his way, he shared them with me.

When someone asks for help, look at is an opportunity to grow your network of loyal partners. Someone once said, "When you reach the top, pull the next person up." I love that saying.

9. Be understanding.

Your ability and willingness to put yourself in others’ shoes will benefit you. Your negotiations will go much smoother because you'll be able to identify solutions that are actually that. As a result, you’ll move projects forward faster.

It may sound trite, but it isn’t. If you’re remarkable, people will want to support you. They'll appreciate you, and appreciative people give back.

The scientific way to know someone is in love with you

A wise Shakespeare mug once said that “love is merely madness” and when you’re in the throws of it, that certainly seems to be so.

Like Dimetapp, love tastes strange, is intoxicating, and can induce disorientation. The other side effect, of course, is neediness.

People in love are desperate to know if the stars have aligned to make their loves love them back.

There are more than a few pieces online about how to make an educated guess about your beloved’s intentions, but for serious answers, it’s best to ask a doctor for some suggestions and access to equipment.

Here’s what you don’t learn at middle school dances: If you need to know if someone loves you, an MRI scanner and some electrode sensors will clear things up. After all, love is not so strange that science can’t track it in our brain.

Forget about stressing about if they don’t text you back: It’s literally what’s happening on the inside that matters.

Love is thought to happen in three stages: lust, attraction, and attachment.

At each of these different points different organic chemicals and hormones are released in the body — testosterone and oestrogen drive the lust, dopamine in honeymoon phase; oxytocin and vasopressin when the real I want to be with you forever feelings come around.

The Luther Vandross behind the curtain is your brain, causing your sweaty palms and trembling voice.

Dr. Lucy Brown, a neuroscientist and clinical professor at the Einstein College of Medicine, is considered a pioneer in the neuroscience of romantic love.

One of the ways she studies how love affects the brain is through functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI. A fMRI measures brain activity by looking at blood flow in the brain (much like weight lifting increases blood flow to your biceps, the flow of blood increases to the areas of the brain that are active).

When people experience love, their sympathetic nervous system is reacting — the same part of the brain that controls the fight or flight response.

“If you think that someone might be really attracted to you, what’s going on in their brain is an activation of part of the brain called the ventral tegmental area, which is part of our reward and drive system,” says Brown to Inverse. “It’s the part of the brain that is active when people are drinking water after being really thirsty, or eating chocolate when they’re a chocoholic.”

Golden Gate Bridge San Francisco California USA America Relationship Couple

“It’s rewarding this system if they’re attracted to you — they are going to begin to seek you out because they have this drive to be close to you.”

Brown’s work demonstrates that brain activation definitely differs even when someone is looking a picture of someone they love versus someone they feel neutral about. And the brain reacts differently when you think that movie star is hot instead of I actually want to be with this person: When you’re in love, the right ventral tegmental area of the brain stem is activated. If you just find someone handsome or beautiful, it’s the left.

Brown explains the difference comes down to the idea of wanting versus liking.

“When you want something and really need it, okay, that means you organize your life around it — you’re in love,” she explains. “But when you find something beautiful, like there’s something in a museum you find beautiful, you’re going to want to go there and you like it, but you’re not going to go there everyday.”

On the quest to see if someone is attracted to you, you could do well to measure their skin conductance and heart rate as well.

Professors Melanie Shoup-Knox and Nathan Pipitone had an idea from previous studies that men pay more attention to women who are at their monthly high points of fertility, but the biological underpinning that wasn’t clear.

So they studied the autonomic nervous system of both men and women listening to the voices of natural cycling women — not ladies on hormonal birth control — while monitoring heart rate and measuring their skin temperature.

They put electrodes on each arm of the subject, and then one on the ankle. The changes they saw were almost immediate.

“We found out that there’s a sympathetic nervous system change that causes change in the electrical activity of the skin and changes in the heart rate when people hear this voice,” says Shoup-Knox to Inverse. “It happens to be that the voice is a peak ovulation amongst these women.”

While studies have consistently demonstrated that men are more compelled towards women who are at peak fertility, what Shoup-Knox and Piptone’s work demonstrates as that this heightened state of arousal causes a physiological change.

Interestingly enough, the voice of fertile woman affected heterosexual women’s nervous system as well — perhaps, Shoup-Knox postulates, because women need to be aware of who their mates are paying attention to.

If you don’t have a doctor at your disposal who can whisk your beau away for a love-examination, you’ll have to do make do with outwardly physical signs. Brown says a simple enough way to tell if someone is into you is if they are looking at you a lot — going back to the idea of the brain’s reward system that is very much urging them to be a bit of a creep.

Their sympathetic nervous system is also what lets you witness the sweaty palms, trembling voice or hands, and momentary eye pupil dilation or a fight or flight surge into romance. But perhaps the most surefire way to see if someone loves you, other than scanning their brain? Get a little ballsy.

“If you want to know if someone’s in love with you and you’re close enough to them to ask this question, the question to ask is, ‘What percentage of the day would you say you think about me?’” says Brown. “You want the answer to be something like ‘I cant stop thinking about you!’ or ‘80 percent of the day.’… That’s the way to know if someone is really into you.”

That or the machine.

Wednesday, 28 September 2016

How CEOs Optimize Their Sleep Schedule

How CEOs Optimize Their Sleep Schedule

If you've ever listened to a doctor over the course of your life, you've almost definitely heard the recommendation that you get a good, full night of sleep. You've also probably had days where you wake up groggy, tired and fuzzy. Other days you wake up bright and early, chipper and ready for the day.

What's going on? What's happening is you're experiencing sleep cycles, without knowing how they work or how to control them. A good night of sleep leaves you with more energy and a better mood. You have better memory and are better with critical thinking. You have faster reactions and you're refreshed when you wake up. If you don't sleep properly, all of that is the opposite.

As an entrepreneur or CEO, sleep is perhaps more important than for anyone. You need to be at the top of your game to make important decisions for your business and you can't afford the losses that come with a lack of sleep. Yet, at the same time, there's a pervasive attitude that a successful entrepreneur is up late working, running on caffeine more than sleep.

There are more dangers than the immediate lack of energy and attention. Low-sleep lifestyles cause minor dysfunctions in the body that build up over time, and they don't all go away when you do get that one restful night a week. They build up and can come back as more prevalent diseases and a shorter lifespan years or decades down the line.

Thankfully, you can solve all of these problems just by learning how sleep works.

The science of sleep.

Sleep isn't like a computer, where it powers down for the night. Humans are much more complex machines. Sleep works in cycles that are divided into five stages. The first stage is light sleep, the kind of power nap sleep where you're barely asleep at all. You move, you shift, you doze. The second stage is deeper sleep with slower breathing, and the third stage is deeper yet, where your brain shifts into "defrag" mode and starts up maintenance. Stage four is even deeper and stage five is where you slip into REM sleep.

REM sleep is the time where you dream and it's the sleep that is most beneficial to you. It's also the most detrimental if you wake up in the middle of it. The deeper you're sleeping when you wake up, the worse the negative effects.

One cycle of sleep tends to last around 90 minutes. REM sleep doesn't last for very long and you pull up out of it and back to stage one to repeat the process again. The trick, then, is to sleep in 90 minute multiples.

Now, I'm not saying you should jump into one of those four hours on three hours off cycles that trended for a while. Just make sure that the amount of time you spend asleep is a multiple of 1.5 hours. The "eight hours a night" is a myth; 7.5 hours is better, or nine. Waking up after eight will interrupt a cycle.

Unfortunately, it's very difficult to predict when you're going to fall asleep and thus when you need to wake up. If you have trouble falling asleep or if you get to bed late, you can't adjust your alarm on the fly. Or can you?

As it turns out, there are a bunch of different apps for smartphones that monitor your sleep cycles. Remember how I said you tend to be restless and shift in stage one? Your phone's microphone can pick up the noise of shifting and the sound of lighter breathing. It can also possibly monitor tossing and turning with an internal gyroscope, depending on where you put your phone.

The way these apps work is you set a target time to wake up. It monitors your sleep cycles and locates the one where you pass into stage one sleep the closest to your target time, and wakes you up then. If all goes smoothly, you wake up refreshed, at the top of your game.

This, my friends, is the secret to sleep, and it's something all CEOs either already know or really need to learn.

Your Morning Breath, Explained: What Causes It And How You Can Treat It

Young woman covering her mouth in a shopping center
The mouth’s “rest and digest” mode throughout the night onsets the run-of-the-mill bad breath in the morning.

The unpleasantness of morning breath leads you to quickly cover your mouth when you pass your loved ones in the morning. You realize no amount of brushing, flossing, or mouthwash the night before seems to mask the overwhelming odor from your mouth when you wake up. Getting out of bed with bad breath, halitosis, in the morning is fairly common as our mouth goes into a “rest and digest” mode overnight.

Morning Breath And Saliva

Up to 80 million people, according to the Academy of General Dentistry, suffer from bad breath that is ever-present, while millions of Americans suffer from bad breath in limited situations such as in the morning or after eating pungent food. People who suffer from dry mouth often due to taking certain medications or mouth breathers are more prone to morning breath. Those with poor oral hygiene will also suffer from bad breath more readily than those with good oral hygiene, of course.

Bad breath in the morning is mostly attributed to a lack of saliva. “During the day, your mouth produces a significant amount of saliva, but while you sleep, saliva production goes down,” Dr. Hugh Flax, a cosmetic dentist and past president of the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry in Atlanta, Ga., told Medical Daily in an email.

Morning Breath And The Foul Smell

Saliva is critical for sweeping away the food particles that would otherwise linger and collect bacteria. A decrease in saliva production increases the likelihood of dry mouth. “[This] allows bacteria to grow and produce volatile sulfur compounds (VSCs), which is what smells bad,” Dr. Matthew Nejad and Dr. Kyle Stanley, dentists at Helm | Nejad | Stanley — Dentistry in Beverly Hills, Calif., told Medical Daily in an email. Bacteria munches on compounds, proteins, amino acids, and leftover foods that are stuck in your mouth and teeth to produce these VSCs, which causes the bad odor.

Morning Breath And How You Sleep

The way you sleep can also affect the intensity and frequency of morning breath. Snoring or breathing through the mouth at night can increase the likelihood of bad breath. Most mouth breathers sleep with their mouth open, causing their mouth to get dryer and therefore letting breath-causing bacteria flourish. Basically, “any time you reduce saliva in the mouth, you reduce the mouth’s ability to fight the bacteria that causes the bad breath,” Flax said.

Morning Breath And Your Health

While bad breath has nothing to do with age, the bacteria that causes bad breath may have several health implications. These implications are secondary to dental health complications. Typically, according to Nejad and Stanley, the first cause of bad breath is periodontal issues such as gingivitis and periodontitis, which have been proven to be involved with heart disease and stroke.

This suggests your oral health is strongly connected to other health conditions, also known as the mouth-body connection or the oral-systemic link. “The toxins from oral bacterial are released into your blood stream and can possibly inflict mayhem on other parts of your body,” Flax said. This has been linked to serious health risks including but not limited to cardiovascular disease, oral cancer, and Alzheimer’s.

Morning Breath Prevention

Although there is no outright, foolproof prevention for morning breath, there are things you can do to reduce its affect. Brushing, flossing, and scraping your tongue before bed helps clean out the mouth and get rid of food particles so the bacteria have less “food” to munch on.

The Tounge Test

The first step to evaluating if you have bad breath is to see if you have it. Flax recommends doing a visual test by using a mirror to view the back of your tongue. “A pink shiny tongue indicates fresh breath, but if your tongue has a thick white film, it is likely that you have bad breath,” he said.

Another method is to lick your (clean) wrist. Let it dry for a few seconds, and then smell your wrist. If you detect an odor, according to Flax, it is an indicator that you have bad breath.

A simple and commonly employed method is to use a soft bristle toothbrush, tongue scraper, or the edge of a spoon to gently clean your tongue. This is to prevent your tongue from being a hotbed of bacteria. It is less likely the bacteria will harbor in your mouth.

Saturday, 24 September 2016

Perkataan Ulama' Tentang Sima' al-Hasan Daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib.

Yang mengatakan ketiadaan sima'[1] al-Hasan al-Basri daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib radiyallahu 'anhu adalah sekumpulan daripada ulama', iaitu :

1. Qatadah

قال : والله ما حدثنا الحسن عن بدري واحد مشافهة

Dia berkata, "Demi Allah! Tidaklah al-Hasan menceritakan kepada kami daripada golongan ahli Badar walau seorang pun secara musyafahah"[2].

2.  Ayyub as-Sakhatayani.

قال : ما حدثنا الحسن عن أحد من أهل بدر مشافهة

Dia berkata, "Tidaklah al-Hasan menceritakan kepada kami daripada seorang ahli Badar pun secara musyafahah"[3].

3. Yahya bin Ma'in.

قال : لم يسمع الحسن من علي بن أبي طالب شيئا

Dia berkata, "Al-Hasan tidak ada sima' daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib walau sesuatu pun"[4].

4. 'Ali bin al-Madini

وقال الحسن : رأيت الزبير يبايع عليا .

Al-Hasan berkata, "Aku melihat az-Zubair berbai'ah pada 'Ali"

وقال علي بن المديني : لم ير عليا، إلا أن يكون رآه بالمدينة وهو غلام

Berkata 'Ali bin al-Madini, "Dia tidak meriwayatkan daripada 'Ali kecuali bahawa dia melihatnya di Madinah ketika dia masih kecil"[5].

5. Abu Zur'ah ar-Razi

قال أبو زُرْعَةَ : لم يَسْمَعْ الْحَسَنُ من عَلِيٍّ شيء

Abu Zur'ah berkata, "Al-Hasan tidak ada sima' daripada 'Ali walau sesuatu pun"[6].

وسئل أبو زرعة: هل لقي الحسن أحداً من البدريين. قال: رآهم رؤية رأى عثمان بن عفان، وعلياً. قيل: له سمع منهما حديثا؟. قال: لا. قال: وكان يوم بويع لعلي ابن أربع عشرة سنة، ورأى عليا بالمدينة، ثم خرج علي إلى الكوفة، والبصرة ولم يلقه الحسن بعد ذلك.

Abu Zur'ah ditanya, "Adakah al-Hasan bertemu dengan salah seorang daripada ahli Badar?". Dia berkata, "Dia pernah melihat mereka secara langsung. Dia pernah melihat 'Utsman bin 'Affan dan 'Ali". Ditanyakan kepadanya, "Adakah ada sima' hadis daripada mereka berdua?". Dia berkata, "Tidak". Dia berkata lagi, "Dahulu pada hari bai'ah kepada 'Ali, dia lahir pada tahun keempat belas. Dia melihat 'Ali di Madinah. Kemudian 'Ali keluar ke Kufah dan Basrah. Al-Hasan tidak bertemu dengannya selepas itu"[7].

6. At-Tirmizi

قال : ولا نَعْرِفُ لِلْحَسَنِ سَمَاعًا من عَلِيِّ بن أبي طَالِبٍ، وقد رُوِيَ هذا الْحَدِيثُ عن عَطَاءِ بن السَّائِبِ عن أبي ظَبْيَانَ عن عَلِيِّ بن أبي طَالِبٍ عن النبي - صلى الله عليه وسلم - نحو هذا الحديث وَرَوَاهُ الْأَعْمَشُ عن أبي ظَبْيَانَ عن بن عَبَّاسٍ عن عَلِيٍّ مَوْقُوفًا ولم يَرْفَعْهُ وَالْعَمَلُ على هذا الحديث عِنْدَ أَهْلِ الْعِلْمِ .قال أبو عِيسَى : قد كان الْحَسَنُ في زَمَانِ عَلِيٍّ وقد أَدْرَكَهُ وَلَكِنَّا لَا نَعْرِفُ له سَمَاعًا منه

Dia berkata, "Kami tidak mengetahui al-Hasan mempunyai sima' daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib. Telah diriwayatkan daripada 'Atha' bin as-Sa-ib, daripada Abu Zhobyan, daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib, daripada Nabi sallallahu 'alaihi wassalam sepertimana hadis ini. Dan al-'Amash meriwayatkan daripada Abu Zhobyan, daripada 'Abbas, daripada 'Ali secara mauquf dan ia tidak mengenalinya. Ahli ilmu mengamalkan hadis ini. Berkata Abu 'Isa: Al-Hasan berada pada zaman 'Ali. Dia telah melihatnya, tetapi kami tidak mengetahui padanya ada sima' daripadanya[8].

7. Al-Bazzar

قال : جميع ما يرويه الحسن عن علي مرسل

Dia berkata, "Kumpulan periwayatan al-Hasan daripada 'Ali adalah mursal"[9].

روى الحسن عن علي ابن أبي طالب غير حديث ولم يسمع

"Periwayatan al-Hasan daripada 'Ali adalah bukan hadis. Dia tidak ada sima'"[10].

8. Al-Baihaqi

قال : ليس فيما أورده سماع الحسن من علي

Dia berkata, "Tidak ada sima' pada apa-apa periwayatan al-Hasan daripada 'Ali"[11].

وقالوا رواية الحسن عن علي لم تثبت، وأهل العلم بالحديث يرونها مرسلة

Mereka berkata, "Riwayat al-Hasan daripada 'Ali tidak kukuh. Dan ahli ilmu pada melihat pada hadisnya sebagai mursal"[12].

9. Abu al-Faraj Ibn al-Jauzi.

قال : الحسن لم يسمع من علي

"Al-Hasan tidak ada sima' daripada 'Ali"[13].

10.Ibn Duhyah

قال : لم يسمع الحسن من علي حرفا بالإجماع

Dia berkata, "Al-Hasan tidak ada sima' daripada 'Ali walaupun satu huruf secara ijmak"[14].

11. Ibn Taimiyyah

وقالوا : إن الحسن صحب عليا، وهذا باطل باتفاق أهل المعرفة، فإنهم متفقون على أن الحسن لم يجتمع بعلي وإنما أخذ عن أصحاب علي أخذ عن الأحنف بن قيس ، وقيس بن عباد ، وغيرهما عن علي وهكذا رواه أهل الصحيح. والحسن ولد لسنتين بقيتا من خلافة عمر، وقتل عثمان وهو بالمدينة ،كانت أمه أمة لأم سلمة فلما قتل عثمان حمل إلى البصرة وكان علي بالكوفة والحسن في وقته صبي من الصبيان لا يعرف، ولا له ذكر.

"Mereka berkata al-Hasan bersahabat dengan 'Ali. Dan ini adalah batil dengan sepakat ahli Ma'rifah. Sesungguhnya mereka semua bersepakat atas al-Hasan tidak ada pertemuan dengna 'Ali. Bahawanya dia mengambil daripada sahabat 'Ali. Dia mengambil daripada al-Ahnaf bin Qais, Qais bin 'Abbad dan selain mereka berdua daripada 'Ali. Dan ini adalah periwayatan daripada ahli sahih. Al-Hasan lahir pada tahun kedua yang berbaki pada khilafah 'Umar. 'Utsman dibunuh, manakala dia berada di Madinah. Ibunya punya adalah hamba sahaya kepunyaan Ummu Salamah. Ketikamana 'Utsman dibunuh, dia dibawa ke Basrah dan 'Ali berada di Kufah. Al-Hasan pada waktunya adalah seorang anak kecil daripada sebilangan anak-anak kecil. Tidak ia mengenalinya dan tidak ia menyebutkannya"[15].

12. Az-Zahabi

قال: وقد روى بالإرسال عن طائفة كعلي، وأم سلمة ، ولم يسمع منهما

Dia berkata, "Dia meriwayatkan secara mursal daripada sekelompok seperti 'Ali dan Ummu Salamah, tidaklah ia ada sima' daripada mereka berdua"[16].

13. Ibn Katsir

لا يعرف للحسن سماع من علي بن أبي طالب رضي الله عنه

"Tidak dikenali akan al-Hasan mempunyai sima' daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib RA"[17].

14. Ibn Hajar al-'Asqalani

قال : حديث الحسن البصري عن عَلِيٍّ مُرْسَلٌ ،قال أبو زُرْعَةَ لم يَسْمَعْ الْحَسَنُ من عَلِيٍّ شيء

Dia berkata, "Hadis al-Hasan al-Basri daripada 'Ali adalah mursal. Abu Zur'ah berkata: Dia tidak ada sima' daripada 'Ali walau sesuatu pun"[18].

15. Al-Albani

عن الحسن البصري عن علي مرفوعا ( رفع القلم عن ثلاثة . . ) الحديث . أخرجه الترمذي ( 1 / 267 ) والحاكم ( 4 / 389 ) واحمد ( 1 / 116 ، 118 ، 140 ) وقال الترمذي : (حديث حسن غريب ) . وقال الحاكم : إسناده صحيح . وتعقبه الذهبي بقوله : ( فيه إرسال ) فأصاب فإن الحسن البصري لم يثبت سماعه من علي ولا يكفي في مثله المعاصرة كما ادعى بعض العلماء المعاصرين لأن الحسن معروف التدليس وقد عنعنه فمثله كما هو مقرر في علم المصطلح وشرحه الإمام مسلم في مقدمة صحيحه

Daripada al-Hasan al-Basri, daripada 'Ali secara marfu' {Diangkat pena daripada tiga golongan..} al-Hadits. Dikeluarkan oleh at-Tirmizi (1/267), al-Hakim (4/389) dan Ahmad (1/116, 118, 140). At-Tirmizi berkata, "Hadis hasan gharib". Berkata al-Hakim, "Isnadnya sahih". Diikuti az-Zahabi pada perkataannya, "Padanya terdapat keterputusan". Dan beliau tepat kerana al-Hasan al-Basri tidak kukuh sima'nya daripada 'Ali. Tidak cukup pada pembuktian semasa sepertimana yang didakwa sebahagian ulama' semasa kerana al-Hasan terkenal dengan perbuatan tadlis. Dia meriwyatkan secara 'an'anah dan buktinya sepertimana yang ditetapkan akan ia dalam ilmu al-Mutsholah dan disyarahkannya oleh al-Imam Muslim dalam muqaddimah sahihnya"[19].

16. Kebanyakan ulama' berpendapat bahawa al-Hasan tidak ada sima' daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib sepertimana al-Mubarakfuri, Ibn at-Turkumani dan selain mereka berdua[20].

Dalil-dalil Mereka Yang Berpendapat Adanya Sima'

Pertama :

ما أخرجه أبو يعلى في مسنده حدثنا حوثرة بن أشرس قال أخبرنا عقبة بن أبي الصهباء الباهلي قال سمعت الحسن يقول سمعت عليا يقول: قال رسول الله ء صلى الله عليه وسلم : مثل أمتي مثل المطر. الحديث

Dikeluarkan oleh Abu Ya'la dalam Musnad-nya: Hautsara bin Asyras telah menceritakan kepada kami, dia berkata: 'Uqbah bin Abu as-Suhba' al-Bahilli telah mengkhabarkan kepada kami, ia berkata: aku mendengar al-Hasan berkata: aku mendengar 'Ali berkata: Rasulullah SAW bersabda, "Permisalan umatku semisal hujan". Al-Hadits[21].

Golongan ini berhujah tentang adanya sima' al-Hasan daripada 'Ali RA dengan hadis ini yang mana padanya terdapat pernyataan sima' secara jelas.

Kedua :

قال الترمذي وسألت محمدا عنه يعني حديث الحسن عن علي بن أبي طالب رفع القلم الحديث...

Berkata at-Tirmizi, "Aku bertanya kepada Muhammad (al-Bukhari) tentangnya, yakni hadis al-Hasan daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib: Terangkat pena.. al-Hadits"[22].

فقال : الحسن قد أدرك عليا ، وهو عندي حديث حسن

Dia berkata, ""Al-Hasan pernah melihat 'Ali. Dan ia, bagiku adalah hadis hasan"[23].

Ketiga :

Sebahagian mereka berhujah dengan atsar :

رواه محمد بن موسى الحرشي: حدثنا ثمامة بن عبيدة قال حدثنا عطية بن محارب عن يونس بن عبيد قال سألت الحسن قلت يا أبا سعيد انك تقول قال رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - وانك لم تدركه قال يا بن أخي لقد سألتني عن شيء ما سألني عنه أحد قبلك ولولا منزلتك مني ما أخبرتك إني في زمان كما ترى ، وكان في عمل الحجاج كل شيء سمعتني أقول قال رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - فهو عن علي بن أبي طالب غير أني في زمان لا أستطيع أن أذكر عليا

Muhammad bin Musa al-Harasyi meriwayatkan: Tsamamah bin 'Ubaiah telah menceritakan kepada kami, ia berkata: 'Athiyyah bin Muharib telah menceritakan kepada kami daripada Yunus bin 'Ubaid, ia berkata: aku bertanya kepada al-Hasan. Aku berkata, "Wahai Abu Sa'id. Sesungguhnya engkau berkata: Rasulullah SAW bersabda. Padahal engkau tidaklah melihatnya". Dia berkata, "Wahai anak saudaraku, benar-benar engkau bertanya kepadaku tentang sesuatu yang tidak pernah ditanyai kepadaku tentangnya walaupun seorang pun sebelum kamu. Kalau bukan kerana kedudukanmu di sisiku, tidak aku akan khabarkan kepadaku. Sesungguhnya aku berada pada zaman yang sepertimana engkau lihat. Dahulu aku dalam mengerjakan haji. Segalaa sesuatu yang aku didengarkan kepadaku yang aku berkata: Rasulullah SAW bersabda, maka ia adalah daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib melainkan aku berada pada zaman yang tidak dapat menyebutkna 'Ali"[24].

Keempat :

Sebahagian dalilnya adalah apa-apa yang disebutkan oleh Ibn Hajar al-'Asqalani dalma Tahdzib at-Tahdzib yang bahawasanya al-Hasan meriwayatkan daripada 'Ali radiyallahu 'anhu[25].

Perbincangan Dalil-Dalil

Pertama, tidak sesekali terpedaya dengan penyebutan hadis dengan periwayatan dan sima' pada sanad. Banyak daripada sanad-sanad membawakan periwayatan dan sima', tetapi para ulama' mengingkarinya. Diambil seperti ini.

1. Daripada 'Abdullah bin al-Bahi, ia berkata: 'Aisyah radiyallahu 'anha telah menceritakan kepadaku, ia berkata: Nabi sallallahu 'alaihi wassalam berkata seorang Jariyyah:

ناوليني الخمرة أراد أن يبسطها فيصلي عليها فقلت إنها حائض قال إن حيضتها ليست في يدها

"Ambilkan aku sebuah kain. Aku ingin membentangkannya, kemudian bersolat padanya". Aku berkata, "Sesungguhnya dia sedang haidh". Baginda berkata, "Haidh dia bukan pada tangannya"[26].

سئل أحمد بن حنبل هل سمع من عائشة رضي الله عنها قال ما أرى في هذا شيئا إنما يروي عن عروة

Ahmad bin Hanbal ditanya, "Adakah dia ada sima' daripada 'Aisyah radiyallahu 'anha?". Dia berkata, "Aku tidak melihat ini ada nilai. Bahawasanya meriwayatkan daripada 'Urwah"[27].

2. Berkata 'Irak bin Malik: aku mendengar daripada 'Aisyah radiyallahu 'anha, ia berkata: Nabi sallallahu 'alaihi wassalam bersabda:

حول مقعدتي إلى القبلة

"Kawasan tempat dudukku menghadap kiblat"[28].

وقال إبراهيم بن الحارث أنكر أحمد قول من قال عن عراك سمعت عائشة ،وقال: عراك من أين سمع من عائشة ، وقال أحمد : إنما هو عراك عن عروة عن عائشة ولم يسمع عراك منها

Berkata Ibrahim bin al-Harits: Ahmad (bin Hanbal) mengingkari perkataan tentang kata-kata dari 'Irak, "aku mendengar daripada 'Aisyah". Dia (Ahmad) berkata, "Daripada mana 'Irak mendengar daripada 'Aisyah?". Ahmad berkata, "Bahawasanya 'Irak daripada 'Urwah, daripada 'Aisyah. Tidak ada sima' 'Irak daripadanya ('Aisyah)"[29].

Dan lain-lain daripadanya yang semisal ini.

Maka, jikalau benar kukuhnya sanad Abu Ya'la, maka ia tidak memungkinkan benar perawi-perawinya menyebutkan khabar ini di antara al-Hasan dan 'Ali. Serta, ia tidak menolak penafian para ulama' kibar dan dalil-dalil mereka tentang sima' al-Hasan daripada 'Ali[30]. Bahkan, dikatakan salah seorang perawi pada sanad yang disebutkan itu ada kesilapan di antara mereka berdua. Wallahua'lam.

Kedua, adapun dalil yang kedua tentang perkataan al-Bukhari rahimahullah. Aku (Hamud bin Khalil) bahawasanya ini bukan dalil golongan yang mengatakan adanya sima'. Tetapi, ia adalah dalil golongan yang yang menyatakan ketiadaan sima' kerana al-Bukhari menetapkan bahawasanya al-Hasan tidak ada sima' daripada 'Ali radiyallahu 'anhu dengan perkataannya, "Ia pernah melihat 'Ali". Kalau dia bermaksud adanya sima', tentu dia berkata, "Al-Hasan ada sima' daripada 'Ali". Adapun, pada sisi kedua adalah dia berkata "hasan" kerana adanya daripada jalur yang sahih pada jalur Abu Zhobyan dan Abu ad-Dhuha. Perkataan ini adalah dalil baginya dan ia adalah pencerahan at-Tirmizi pada ketiadaan sima'  al-Hasan daripada 'Ali. Kalau adalah al-Bukhari bermaksud adanya sima', pasti at-Tirmizi menyatakannya. Wallahua'lam.

Ketiga, adapun atsar yang datang tentang al-Hasan, maka ia tidaklah sahih[31]. Kerana pada sanad itu terdapat Tsamamah bin 'Ubaidah. 'Ali bin al-Madini mendha'ifkannya. Dia menisbahkannya kepada kedustaan[32].

قال أبو زرعة الرازي : منكر الحديث

Berkata Abu Zur'ah, "Pembawa hadis munkar"[33].

Dan Ibn Hibban memasukkannya dalam al-Majruhin[34].

Dan 'Athiyyah bin Muharib, aku tidak menemui biografinya. Dengan itu, atsar ini tidak bagus untuk dijadikan hujah. Wallahua'lam.

Keempat, adapun yang disebutkan oleh Ibn Hajar, maka ianya bukanlah dalil. Demikian itu adalah kerana dia tidak menyebutkan adanya sima' al-Hasan daripada 'Ali. Dan sepertimana yang telah maklum di sisi ahli hadis bahawasanya riwayat yang berselisih daripada sima', kerana al-Hasan meriwayatkan daripada 'Ali, tetapi riwayat tersebut mursal dan ia adalah dha'if. Petunjuk tentang itu adalah bahawsanya al-Hafiz berkata dalam Talkhis al-Kabir :

إن الحسن لم يسمع من علي

"Sesungguhnya al-Hasan tidak ada sima' daripada 'Ali"[35].


Setelah penelitian perkataan-perkataan yang mana perbahasanku yang khusus pada sima' al-Hasan al-Basri dan 'Ali bin Abu Thalib. Kesimpulan daripada perbahasan menatijahkan seperti berikut :

1. Sesungguhnya al-Hasan al-Basri tidak ada sima' daripada sahabat yang besar, 'Ali bin Abu Thalib. Demikian itu adalah kesepakatan para huffaz tentang itu pada penaqalan daripada mereka daripada perkataan-perkataan yang memperkukuhkan ketiadaan sima' sepertimana yang didatangkan pada perbahasan ini.

2. Sesungguhnya al-Hasan al-Basri tidak meriwayatkan daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib atas pendapat yang benar dan tidak ada sima' daripadanya.

3. Sesungguhnya golongan yang semasa al-Hasan al-Basri tidak merasa cukup dengan kesahihan hadis itu kerana al-Hasan al-Basri seorang mudallis sepertimana yang dikenali. Riwayat-riwayatnya yang datang daripada 'Ali dengan 'an'anah melainkan satu hadis dan padanya terdapat kesilapan pada salah seorang perawi-perawi atas pendapat yang sahih. Wallahua'lam.

4. Sesungguhnya hadis-hadis yang datang tentang al-Hasan al-Basri daripada 'Ali tidak sahih selepas diputuskan pada ketiadan sima'.

5. Sesungguhnya riwayat itu menyelisihi daripada adanya sima' kerana al-Hasan meriwayatkan daripada 'Ali, tetapi tidak ada sima' daripadanya. Wallahua'lam.

6. Sesungguhnya al-Hasan meriwayatkan daripada 'Ali bin Abu Thalib secara mursal dan ini adalah riwayat dha'if yang memungkinkan perbuatan tadlis daripada yang dha'if.

Nota Kaki

[1]Mengambil hadis secara langsung sama ada mendengar ataupun melihat -pent.

[2]Dikeluarkan oleh al-Mizzi dalam Tahdzib al-Kamal, 6/122 (1216).

[3]Dikeluarkan oleh Ibn Abu Hatim dalam al-Marasil, 1/32.

[4]Yahya bin Ma'in menyebutkan dalam Tarikh Ibn Ma'in, 4/260 (4257).

[5]Lihat Tuhfah at-Tahsil dalam perbincangan riwayat mursal, 1/69; Tahdzib at-Tahdzib, 2/234 dan Ibn Abu Hatim dalam al-Marasil, 1/34.

[6]Dikeluarkan oleh Ibn Hajar dalam Takhis al-Kabir, 1/184.

[7]Dikeluarkan oleh Abu Zur'ah al-'Iraqi dalam Tuhfah at-Tahsil dalam perbincangan riwayat mursal, 1/69; Tahdzib at-Tahdzib 2/234 dan Ibn Abu Hatim dalam al-Marasil, 1/34.

[8]Dikeluarkan oleh at-Tirmizi (1423).

[9]Dikeluarkan oleh az-Zaila'i dalam Nasb ar-Rayah, 2/340.

[10]Dikeluarkan oleh az-Zaila'i dalam Nasb ar-Rayah, 1/94.

[11]Dikeluarkan oleh al-Baihaqi, 5/208 (9806).

[12]Dikeluarkan oleh al-Baihaqi dalam Ma'rifah as-Sunan wa al-Atsar, 3/87,

[13]Ibn al-Jauzi menyebutkannya dalam at-Tahqiq Fi Ahadits al-Khilaf, 2/292 (1871).

[14]Dikeluarkan oleh az-Zarkasyi dalam at-Tadzkirah Fi al-Ahadits al-Musytahirah, 1/127.

[15]Ibn Taimiyyah menyebutkannya dalam Minhaj as-Sunnah, 8/45.

[16]Dikeluarkan oleh az-Zahabi dalam Siyar A'lam an-Nubula', 4/305.

[17]Ibn Katsir menyebutkannya dalam Tafsir-nya, 1/437 pada surah al-Baqarah ayat 238.

[18]Lihat Talkhis al-Kabir oleh Ibn Hajar, 1/184.

[19]Lihat Irwa' al-Ghalil, karya al-Albani, 2/6.

[20]Lihat Tuhfah al-Ahwadzi, karya al-Mubarakfuri, 3/405 dan al-Jauhar an-Naqiy, karya Ibn at-Turkumani, 4/286.

[21]Tidak wujud dalam Musnad Abu Ya'la sepertimana yang telah dicetak. Sebahagian ahli ilmu menyebutkan tentangnya. Lihat Tuhfah al-Ahwazi, 4/571. Setakat pencarian, hanya as-Suyuti sahaja yang menukilkan periwayatan ini di dalam Al-Hawi Li al-Fatawa, 2/123, Dar al-Fikir Li at-Thob'ah wa an-Nasyr, Beirut, Lubnan -pent.

[22]Takhrij telah disebutkan.

[23]At-Tirmizi dalam 'Ilal at-Tirmizi, 1/255.

[24]Dikeluarkan oleh al-Mizzi dalam Tahdzib al-Kamal, 6/125 dan as-Suyuti dalam Tadrib ar-Rawi, 1/204.

[25]Ibn Hajar al-'Asqalani dalam Tahdzib at-Tahdzib, 2/231.

[26]Dikeluarkan oleh Ahmad (24791) dan (25500), Ibn Hibban (1356) dan ad-Darimi (1065).

[27]Al-'Ala-i menaqalkannya dalam Jami' at-Tahsil, 1/218 (408).

[28]Dikeluarkan oleh al-Bukhari dalam at-Tarikh al-Kabir. 3/155.

[29]Lihat Tahdzib at-Tahdzib, karya Ibn Hajar, 3/84.

[30]Saya cadangkan agar menekuni kitab al-Marasil karya Ibn Abu Hatim ar-Razi berkenaan dengan riwayat-riwayat mursal Al-Hasan Al-Basri. Kita akan melihat bahawa sekalipun Al-Hasan Al-Basri meriwayatkan secara tegas seperti "Telah menceritakan kepada kami" dan lain-lain, para nuqqad tetap tidak menerima periwayatan tersebut dan sanad tersebut tidak dianggap bersambung. Hal ini berlaku tidak hanya pada riwayat 'Ali bin Abu Thalib, bahkan juga daripada perawi-perawi yang lain.

[31]Riwayat ini dinilai dha'if dalam Syarh 'Ilal at-Tirmidzi, 1/537, Maktabah al-Manar, az-Zarqa', Jordan, tahqiq Dr. Hammam 'Abdul Rahim Sa'id -pent.

[32]Dikeluarkan oleh al-Bukhari dalam at-Tarikh al-Kabir, 2/178 (212).

[33]Disebutkan oleh Ibn Abu Hatim dalam al-Jarh wa at-Ta'dil, 2/467 (1899).

[34]Ibn Hibban menyebutkannya dalam al-Majruhin, 1/207 (171).

[35]Lihat Talkhis al-Kabir, karya Ibn Hajar, 1/184.

Terjemahan dan pengadaptasian daripada kitab "القول الجلي في سماع الحسن من علي" (Al-Qaul al-Jaliy Fi Sima' al-Hasan Min 'Aliy), karya Hamud bin Khalid al-Rumaizan, 2008, bahagian "أقوال العلماء في سماع الحسن من علي بن أبي طالب" (Aqwal al-'Ulama' Fi Sima' al-Hasan Min 'Aliy Ibn Abi Tholib).


Friday, 2 September 2016

What is bipolar disorder?

Expert information and advice from Rethink

 The world might seem bleak if you suffer from bipolar disorder but with the right treatment and support, it is possible to manage the symptoms and enjoy a really good quality of life. Photograph: Murdo Macleod

What is bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness which causes people to experience dramatic mood and behavioural changes, swinging from extreme highs to severe lows.

Around 1 in 100 people have bipolar disorder, and most develop the condition before the age of 30, although it can also affect older people.

Of course, everyone goes through mood swings from time to time. That’s completely natural, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you have bipolar disorder.

But if you’re experiencing extreme mood changes and are finding it difficult to cope, then you might be developing bipolar disorder.

What are the symptoms?

One of the main characteristics of bipolar disorder is mania. When someone is going through a manic episode, they might feel unusually energetic and happy for no particular reason. They could also find that they don’t need as much sleep, that they’re having lots of bright ideas, or that their mind is racing from one thought to another. Sometimes people even start having delusional thoughts, like that they have super power, or are on a special mission.

That might sound like fun, and some people say they enjoy parts of the highs they feel when they’re having a manic episode. But there are really serious downsides too. Mania can affect your ability make good decisions, which can leave you vulnerable or result in you ending up in dangerous situations. You might be more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol without thinking of the consequences, or go on spending sprees that you can’t actually afford. Sometimes people who are manic become unusually irritable and aggressive towards others.

The other side of bipolar disorder is depression, which means having a low mood for a long period of time. Depression can affect your energy levels, and make you feel less interested or excited about things you normally enjoy. It can also cause you to have negative feelings about yourself or suicidal thoughts.

People who have bipolar disorder might also experience psychosis, which means seeing and hearing things that aren’t there, having delusions or becoming paranoid.

What causes bipolar disorder?

We still don’t have a completely clear idea of what causes bipolar disorder, but it is normally a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

If someone in your immediate family has the condition then you are five - 10 times more likely to develop it too.

Traumatic or distressing life events, such as childhood abuse, can trigger the condition, but people who have had happy or uneventful lives sometimes still develop bipolar disorder. It can also be caused by having uneven levels of particular brain chemicals, which affects your moods and behaviour.

What help and support is available?

The symptoms of bipolar disorder might sound pretty grim, and it can be a very difficult condition to live with. But don’t despair – with the right treatment and support, it is possible to manage the symptoms and enjoy a really good quality of life.

The most important thing to try and get help as quickly as possible – the sooner you get support, the better your chances are of recovering. Go to your GP and tell them what you’re going through.

They can refer you for specialist treatment, which will may involve medication and therapy.

For example, people with bipolar disorder are often offered mood-stabilising medication to help deal with manic episodes, or antidepressants to help with depressive periods.

You should also be offered talking therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which is widely available on the NHS. CBT helps people focus on the “here and now” – how your thoughts and behaviour impact on how you feel, and how you can learn to manage that in a positive way.

Unfortunately, NHS mental health services for young people don’t get as much funding as they should do, so getting good treatment quickly can be difficult. You may have to be persistent to get the care you need.

But there is other support available, and there’s lots of advice about all kinds of mental health issues on the Rethink Mental Illness website. That includes information about what treatment you’re entitled to, how you can manage your condition, and how your family can get help too. There are also suggestions on how to look after your mental health if you’re at school, college or at work, and information about support groups and services in your area.

Our main message is don’t suffer in silence. Bipolar disorder isn’t a life sentence, and with the right support, you can recover and get on with your life.

Dear Introverts, We're Sorry. -- Extroverts

Introverts have been speaking up lately, educating the rest of us non-introverts about how our perceptions of normal have been skewed toward an "extrovert ideal." Today, acknowledging you're an extrovert can feel like confessing that you've been an insensitive jerk for ignoring the obvious fact that not everyone is wired like you. After reading a HuffPost blog by Kali Rogers titled "An Open Letter From Introverts to Everyone Else," I decided to come out publicly in this blog post as an extrovert. And as an extrovert, I want to say on behalf of others like me: to all the introverts, we're sorry.

I replenish my energy stores by interacting socially with other people. Talking to strangers is fun. Chatting with friends after a long day of work is a boost, not a drain. Meanwhile my professional friends in medicine and mental health and almost everyone I know in the writing world are all introverts. As are my spouse, many of my closest friends, and almost everyone I love most in the world. I think it's wonderful that the growing discussion about introversion and extroversion helps expand our understanding of one another. And I will try to do better. We all will.

Here's my open letter in response to Kali Rogers:

1. We appreciate the reminder that weekdays are "me" days for our introverted friends. 

Thank you for reminding us. After a long day of work, you need some alone time to re-charge. We extroverts don't mean to sap all your energies when you're trying to recharge. We really don't. We are honestly just full of social vigor. We enjoy talking to you, and seeing you. Doing so helps us replenish our energies at the end of a long, tiring workday. But we can get those needs met on workdays by hanging out with the other extroverts who need the same thing. So feel free to decline our aggressive invitations. Just tell us you're in need of a bit of quiet time, and we'll respect your decision to head home for some rest.

2. We will try to "have a reason" when we call you one the phone, instead of just dialing you up to talk about nothing. 

Whoa, boy! This one can be hard to remember! We pick up our phones and just dial people we like. If we call you up for no reason, most of us extroverts can take any feedback you want to give us. We can be thick skinned, and in this case it's a good thing. You can ask us to get to the point, or remind us you don't enjoy chitchat, and we'll apologize (for the ump-teenth time) and let you get off the phone. It's okay to screen your calls when you don't feel like talking. Just text us later and check in so we know you still love us.

3. We will attempt to remember how important it is for you that social events happen with people you know, not just a room full of strangers.

You may have to remind us of this one, too. Hanging out with strangers is stressful for you, not loads of fun like it is for us. Again, we're really sorry. It can be kind of hard to imagine how an activity we get so much pleasure from can be such a nightmare for you. Don't let us be insensitive about this. Confront us if we're oblivious, and remind us that we are different from each other, and that's fine!

4. We understand you have just a few friends, not a "bajillion" like us.

We know this about you, introverts, and honestly, it's one of the biggest reasons we enjoy your friendships so much. Our extroverted friends are fun to hang out with, but sometimes they aren't very invested in us on a personal level. You introverts are often our most loyal friends, and we love you for it.

5. We have seen how intense and passionate you get about the topics you find important. 

We know, introverts. We know. Politics, religion, money, complicated relationships -- these are the topics you want to discuss. You would rather have substance in your conversations than fluff. Us extroverts, on the other hand, we like fluff. Our conversations are sport. We volley the discussion back and forth just to see if another person can keep up, and that's entertaining. Forgive us if we feel uncomfortable with the deep content. It slows down the fun and makes us think. But we want you to contribute to the discussion, so chime in! Make us think. Bring the discussion around the more important matters. We can adjust.

6. We won't make you reach out. We will do it for you.

It's okay, introverts. We extroverts reach out constantly. We are often in perpetual contact with someone, and if you don't call us, we'll probably call you anyway. As long as we know you still love us.

7. We appreciate the reassurance that you like us.

We like you, too! You introverts are our most trusted friends. You know how to keep a secret. You're there for us when it counts. You're real and genuine. We love everything about you. Just remind us to be sensitive to your needs. We aren't trying to steamroll over you. But sometimes you'll have to give us a gentle reminder that you and we are different, and that's a beautiful thing!

Horrible boss? Top tips for dealing with difficult co-workers

They might seem over demanding, ruthless or even incompetent but working out how to work with difficult colleagues is key.

We all know people who we don’t like all that much. It’s the way of the world; you can’t like or get on with everybody and it makes life far simpler just to avoid those people where you can. But when that person is your boss or a co-worker, well that’s a whole different story.

Having to collaborate with someone on a daily basis who makes your working life difficult can be the source of untold stress and can make you feel like throwing in the towel. The thing is, they’ve usually achieved a position of seniority for a reason. They might seem over demanding, irritating, ruthless or even incompetent in your eyes, but somewhere along the way they’ve said and done enough of the right things to the right people in order to secure their position.

A workplace bully is someone who deliberately sets out to undermine your self-confidence and intimidate you in a way that makes you feel powerless to respond

That means you should never underestimate them. In fact, it’s actually far more effective to try understand how they operate and what makes them tick. Learning to manage your manager might make the difference between staying in a job and leaving it. Studies show that it’s not usually the demands of the actual workload that drives people to seek an alternative, but rather it’s the people and personalities involved that makes them rush for the nearest exit.

A learning opportunity

By thinking of this process as a learning opportunity you can really begin to develop your own leadership skills; unpicking what they do that works and what they do that you don’t like. This way you can create your own blueprint for effective management style when the time is right and it will also allow you to formulate and subsequently convey a clear vision.

Learning to manage your manager might make the difference between staying in a job and leaving it
Russell Hemmings

So, to begin the process it helps to understand their worldview. In other words, why do they behave in certain ways? What worries or threatens them in a work context, what do they respond to positively and on the flipside, what gets on their nerves? If they have a boss, how do they behave around them and how do they deal with things when they don’t go according to plan? Equally, understanding their weaknesses is also vital. This way you can try to support their shortcomings and inevitably this will strengthen your position with them. All of these questions are key to getting under the skin of your boss and finding out what really motivates him or her.

Next, always try to retain your own composure and integrity. This is sometimes much harder to put into practice, if someone is really “pushing your buttons” but losing your head and letting off steam never helps the situation. Temporarily it might make you feel better, but as a long-term strategy it often lands you in a worse position than before. If they are someone that tries to motivate through fear, by shouting and getting angry, stay calm, let them rant and rave but don’t respond. Walk away and give yourself time to formulate your response, either by writing it down or running through what you will say beforehand. Office shouting matches rarely achieve anything, so be the bigger person and set an example by behaving in the right way at all times. The contrast between your behavior and theirs will speak for itself.

Knowledge is power

It’s also worth trying to identify what type of leadership style your boss adopts. Work out how they make decisions. Are they inclusive or autocratic? Do they prefer minute detail or the bigger picture? Are they good at assimilating others’ ideas and presenting them as their own and do they play one colleague off against another? The more information you can gather the better. Knowledge is indeed power when trying to navigate office politics. It’s also worth remembering to avoid passing comment on your boss to other colleagues no matter how tempting it may feel to do so. If you maintain your own integrity, you will be above reproach and this gives you a sense of self-confidence if you ever have to air your grievances in a more formal way.

The more information you can gather the better. Knowledge is indeed power when trying to navigate office politics
Russell Hemmings

Look to yourself too. It may be that you are placing responsibility for the situation solely at your bosses door, but ask yourself is there something you are doing that could be contributing to the tension? It’s never easy to admit to faults in ourselves and always far easier to blame others, so be objective and ask yourself “could I do things differently?”

The difference between a difficult boss and a bully

However, there is definitely a difference between a difficult boss and a bully. If you find working for a bully, this is far more serious and needs dealing with in a formal manner. A workplace bully is someone who deliberately sets out to undermine your self-confidence and intimidate you in a way that makes you feel powerless to respond. It’s likely that they have behaved like this for most of their lives and the workplace is just an extension of the playground for them. Life sometimes isn’t fair and these people often go on to achieve career success simply because they have honed their skills of intimidation and manipulation early in life. These individuals are usually very good at masking their abusive behavior when it suits them and companies can remain unaware of their bullying simply because colleagues are too frightened to speak up. Unfortunately, the only way to deal with this kind of situation is to make people aware of what’s going on. It’s likely that you’re not the only one it’s happening to and it’s important that you go through the appropriate HR channels to deal with it.

Finally, though no-one likes to admit defeat, if your boss is making your life so miserable that you dread going to work every day and the situation is even affecting your home life, it may be worth considering looking for another job. I realize this isn’t an option for everyone, but the reality is, if you’ve tried your best to do a good job and your efforts go unrecognized and unrewarded, then it might be better to seek out those who will be more supportive of your skills and hard work. Do your homework though and don’t leave until you’re absolutely certain it is right for you!

What Is Introversion?

Introversion is one of the major personality traits identified in many theories of personality. People who are introverted tend to be inward turning, or focused more on internal thoughts, feelings and moods rather than seeking out external stimulation. Introversion is generally viewed as existing as part of a continuum along with extraversion. Introversion indicates one end of the scale, while extraversion represents the other end.

The terms introversion and extraversion were popularized through the work of Carl Jung and later became central parts of other prominent theories including the big 5 theory of personality. The introversion-extraversion dimension is also one of the four areas identified by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). According to many theories of personality, everyone has some degree of both introversion and extraversion. However, people often tend to lean one way or the other.

Introverts tend to be more quiet, reserved, and introspective. Unlike extraverts who gain energy from social interaction, introverts have to expend energy in social situations. After attending a party or spending time in a large group of people, introverts often feel a need to "recharge" by spending a period of time alone.

Common Introversion Traits

Introversion is marked by a number of different sub-traits:
  • Very self-aware
  • Thoughtful
  • Enjoys understanding details
  • Interested in self-knowledge and self-understanding
  • Tends to keep emotions private
  • Quiet and reserved in large groups or around unfamiliar people
  • More sociable and gregarious around people they know well
  • Learns well through observation
  • Introversion and Behavior
How does introversion impact behavior? Researchers have found that people high in this trait tend to have a smaller group of friends. While extraverts generally have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, introverts typically choose their friends much more carefully. Their closest relationships tend to be profound and significant. They also prefer to interact with people on a one-on-one basis rather than in a large group setting.

It is important to note that introversion does not necessarily equate with shyness. In their book, The Development of Shyness and Social Withdrawal, authors Schmidt and Buss write, "Sociability refers to the motive, strong or weak, of wanting to be with others, whereas shyness refers to behavior when with others, inhibited or uninhibited, as well as feelings of tension and discomfort." Shyness indicates a fear of people or social situations. Introverts, on the other hand, simply do not like to spend lots of time interacting with other people. However, they do appreciate being around people to whom they are close. They find engaging in "small talk" tedious, but do enjoy having deep, meaningful conversations.

Introverts tend to think about things before talking. They want to have a full understanding of a concept before they voice an opinion or try to offer an explanation. While extraverts typically learn through trial and error, introverts learn best through observation.

In an excellent article in Atlantic Monthly, author Jonathan Rauch took on some of the common myths and misconceptions about introverts. While introverts are often labeled as shy, aloof, and arrogant, Rauch explains that these perceptions result from the failure of extraverts to understand how introverts function. "Extr[a]verts have little or no grasp of introversion," Rauch suggests. "They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extr[a]verts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood."

According to estimates, extraverts outnumber introverts by about three to one. Introverts often find that other people try to change them or even suggest that there is something "wrong" with them. Nothing could be further from the truth. While introverts make up a smaller portion of the population, there is no right or wrong personality type. Instead, both introverts and extraverts should strive to understand each other's differences and similarities.

As you might imagine, JOBS that require a great deal of social interaction usually hold little appeal to people high in introversion. On the other hand, careers that involve working independently are often a great choice for introverts. For example, an introvert my enjoy working as a writer, accountant, computer programmergraphic designer, pharmacist or artist.