My Letter To Old Friends, especially who were walking in the same saintly path that could not accept the “new and different” me

I’m writing this little piece of epistle because i notice some of my friend of “long history sweet together” freaked out the sudden alteration of being who i am. Some of them came to me, expressing their upset for me forsaking behind my old self that they familiar with. For one who were glittered as an ace of aggresive wrangler and discourse person, sometimes squabbler then being a simply nerdy weirdo weebs, plus poet.

I’m once almost letting out my what you call otaku’s life to devote myself into what you call being an pious man, but when i’m seeing so much dreadful blunder and trivial brawl-mongering maniac among politicians, religious people and those who are slopping with them, as well ass the people who keep scuffling over petty thing, i lost my way, nowhere to go, my hope’s deprived and i’m giving up that path. It won’t secure my future’s satisfication, calmness of leisuring time and greater prospect for life’s path. I’m fucked up, sick and bored this continuous bullshit. That’s the reason, i’m going back to that kind of life what you see right now, but a slight different way I’m turning into another version of myself, but the residual of character’s trait of past remains.

You may call whatever it is like the cause of this alternation is such taking the drug to escape and forget the freaking harsh surrounding. I’m already exhausted to keep the track , anime and it’s world, as well as a slice hedonism are my pain relievers whenever i’m stuck in a rampant messed up in my encirclement, typically when it’s all about bullshit stuff that i wouldn’t giving a fucking care of. Let me and my friends wo are with me take an alternative pace on our own way.

I sometimes say it for myself, “i’m too young, too dumb to realize”. Yeah, what a painful and bitter experience i’ve been through it, though there are some sweet momment too. Some of my old friend realize it and going to another path and there are who remain the same as they were, but it depends the day’s circumstance either it will impulse them to be active or passive. I’m telling this because some of my old friends couldn’t accept “the new me” or “the different me”. They said, “You aren’t like this back then”. I’m well aware of that and i understand your dissatisfication and disappointment to perceive the reality and adapt the change.

However, i pray for your success for the path you take. We are on our separate way, but doesn’t mean i wouldn’t wish your luck and never giving any care for you. Here, we set our boundary to ourselves not to interfere each other area, but we do concur that we wouldn’t becoming a deplorable toxic to other people. I’m sorry to sadden you, but for being “the true happy self and real person to myself”, i choose this path and i’m ready to leave something behind when i’m firmly to move forward and starting new life.

This isn’t a selfish brag to justify anything i wanna do, but to remind you that although we’re on different perspective and path, i’ll treat you like friend just like the old days. Either you still accept for what who i am or not, i couldn’t care a concern about that. The important thing is i’m already step further to make a new life which is fit for who i am really after learning and experiencing so much miscellaneous type encounter and . I’m not taking the pace by reckless shift, but by the profound consideration to shape myself who and what should i become. I’m probably not what i am before, but i won’t keep going for being a cluttered self.

I am now… Layfon Wolfstein Alseif move to Zuellni with new vision and life.

My Sincere,
your admireable person, as well as sweet old journey partner,
Marzuka Martillo

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